To attain enlightenment one must leave his spouse and children behind to become the enlightened and as the monks do avoiding marriage or move away from family life etc), is some kind of precondition to enlightment. A being needs to stay away from his or her family for a while and avoid new karmic bonds (marriage/children) in his / her way to enlightment.
Because enlightenment depends on inner peace not external physical attributes, actions and circumstances nor knowledge and skills and siddhi.
An ordinary person without, knowledge is trapped in the endless cycling of family life. An ordinary entity has never seen and experienced the ultimate truth therefore has no way of finding an end to the predicament. It is only when suffering becomes acute, or seemingly unending, that an entity looks for a “solution” to and, if fortunate, finds the path to enlightenment . This is the first stage. it is quite possible that a normal person can attend the state with the normal life style. In fact there were lot of lay people who attended these stages. A example of Buddha past life as normal human living with family and still in search of the path to attain enlightenment.
After the first and Second stage in the path of enlightenment a seeker may or may not stay with family. Most until the second stage live with their family. Once they reach the third stage they will never live as husband/wife. At the fourth stage , they will never stay with a partner or spouse as they have already overcome sensual desire.
The enlightened is one – who has eliminated all the unwholesome roots which underlie the shackles, chains and bonds. After this stage the enlightened will never ever get back into the fetters anymore. And if any person claiming to be a saint or enlightened gets into a fresh family life than such a person is false and should not be trusted.
Once you are enlightened than you will never ever get into the fretters like say the responsblity that comes with a new marriage, or the sensual desire that keeps the shackles or relationship which continues the bondage ever because one is enlightened and understand ones ability to be happy in every little moment and in every thing happening around in one’s life . Being in the very centre, of life, doing everything, whether it is work, family or spiritual service; yet not involved at the same time.
Not involved, in terms of not to be completely self-identified with these circumstances in order to keep clean mind, heart and mood always. It’s easier to do this when one is sitting in the cave alone, but it’s harder and challenging, living in the big city and in society.
Beyond Fana, Annihilation 